Something to Hold On To
by Chash
Summary: A future fic centered around Naozumi and his life at seventeen. Contains some shonen-ai content.


Something to Hold On To

Something to Hold On To

By Chash

"What, I'm not allowed to drink?Why do we have a bar if we aren't allowed to drink?"

He heard a laugh next to him."Haven't you heard, Kamura?Don't do drugs.We have to spout it enough."

Kamura Naozumi looked next to him.The smiling visage of Nigahara Ken greeted him.Naozumi looked back at the bartender.

"This is a legal drug.And it's not like I'm addicted."

"Yeah, you can stop any time you want.I'm guessing it's this, right?" asked Nigahara, tossing a newspaper at Naozumi.Naozumi knew the headline without looking at it.'Kurata Sana has announced her engagement.'

"I've never done it before, so I can start any time I want."

"You're underage, Kamura."

"Besides," commented the bartender, "I have orders not to let you get wasted.You two aren't the only ones who have seen that article."

Naozumi buried his face in his hands."Am I that obvious?"Nigahara's hand reached over his head and picked up the paper, looking at the photo of Kurata and her boyfriend.

"Hmm…" Nigahara feigned thought."The girl you've been in love with your whole life and who you allowed to determine your occupation and future announces her engagement.Nope, no one had a clue you were going to try to get wasted."

"Bastard," muttered Naozumi under his breath."Besides, they've been together forever.I should be used to it."

"Come on, Kamura, you left Japan to get away from them," commented Nigahara.It sucks for you to get our weekly supply of newspapers from back home and find out she's getting married."

"You knew why I left?" asked Naozumi.Nigahara shrugged.

"Yeah, I've heard about you and her," said Nigahara, something strange in his voice."'Sides, taking a long job acting in a different country, you must have been running away from something."

"So is everyone on set running away?"

"Nah.You're the only big Japanese star in this movie, so this isn't the only job you could have gotten.Certainly it's not the best paying job you could have gotten."

"Have you been thinking about this?" asked Naozumi, his voice still slightly muffled due to its current position.

"The rest of the film crew was trying to figure out why someone like you would agree to do something like this, taking himself out of so many projects for so long and not getting much cash for it.Boss barely even offered you the position; he swore you wouldn't take it.Someone said it might be because of Kurata."

"I'd hoped everyone had forgotten," commented Naozumi, studying the interesting way the wood was patterned on the table.

"Well, we all thought it would be better to not let you have alcohol, just in case.If you didn't care you wouldn't ask for it anyway."

"I'm glad you all have so much faith in my ability to control myself."

Nigahara ruffled his hair."It's just because we care, Nao-chan."

"Don't call me Nao-chan, Nigahara."

"You can call me Ken-chan."

Naozumi looked up and glared at him."Not interested, Nigahara."

Nigahara poked his nose."At least we get your face back.Don't spend too much time moping, Kamura.This may be a day off, but there are better things to do with it."

"Like what?" muttered Naozumi to Nigahara's retreating back.He turned back to the bartender.

"Come on, just one?She's the love of my life and I'm not working today."

"Nope, kid, sorry.I'm not allowed to give you any.You're underage and they told me not to."

"Shit," commented Naozumi.Maybe he'd go see Nigahara.He'd been in far too bad a mood with the other teen and he should at least apologize.In fact, Nigahara Ken was one of the few people who he actually felt content to call his friend.Sana-chan was his friend, she would always be his friend.He'd done a lot to make her think that he'd gotten over her, that all he wanted was friendship.He'd told her a long time ago that he could be content just loving her.

He couldn't forget the hope that had surged in him that one time when she'd said she loved him.But whenever he remembered that hope, he remembered also the way that his heart had sunk a moment afterward because she was never going to love him, not as long as she had Hayama.

"Oi, Kamura, you all right?" asked Nigahara.The teen was sitting on the steps, arms crossed on top of his knees.He looked sad.Naozumi sat down next to him.

"I could ask you the same thing.Are you all right, Nigahara?"

Nigahara smiled broadly."Me?'Course!I'm fine."

Naozumi shook his head, staring out in front of the building to the sea."You sound like her."

There was no need for Nigahara to ask who she was.He grinned and blushed."Wow, Kamura, coming from you, I'm honored."

Naozumi smiled."Don't let it go to your head, Ken."

Nigahara raised his eyebrow."Are we on a first name basis now, Kamura?"

Naozumi pondered a moment."Yes, I think we are.We've know each other long enough."

Nigahara—Ken reached out to feel his forehead."Well, you don't feel sick," he said with a smirk."Does this mean I can you Nao-chan?"

Naozumi laughed."Don't push your luck, Ken."

"You seem better," Ken commented after a moment of silence.Naozumi smiled his usual 'I'm trying to look happy but I'm hiding something' smile.

"You helped, Ken.Thank you."

"No problem.I didn't do much, after all."

"More than you think."

"Would it help to talk about her?" asked Ken quietly.Naozumi looked over at him for the first time.His head was resting on his crossed arms, staring out to the sea.

"Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yeah.Would it help?"

Naozumi was silent for a moment."I never even kissed her.He kissed her without even asking.I couldn't believe anyone who cared about her would do that.After all, he took her first kiss without giving her a choice.I couldn't understand why she chose him."

Ken said nothing, and Naozumi was glad for it.

"I thought that my love could outlast his.I thought that he couldn't possibly feel for her what I felt.Then I saw his eyes just once, one day.And I knew that I was wrong.We looked into each other's eyes for a second and I realized that this was how it was going to be forever.

"The next day, I got offered this job and I took it.I swore I'd forget about her.I swore I'd move on."

"It's been six months and you're still pining over her," said Ken bluntly.

Naozumi glared at him."Thank for that wonderful reminder of the futility of my existence."

"I'm telling it like it is, Nao."

Naozumi gave the same sad smile."I know, Ken.Sometimes that doesn't help, though."

"So what would help?"

Naozumi shrugged."I don't know."

"Anything else you need to get out?"

Another silence issued from Naozumi."It's starting to hurt my jobs.I won't take kissing roles.I keep telling myself to give it up, because I'll never get my first kiss from her, but…" he pulled his knees up and crossed his arms over them, dropping his head onto his arms in a mime of Ken's position.Ken turned his head, apparently considering the words.H shook his head.

"Old habits die hard, I know."

"Have you ever been in love?" asked Naozumi.

"I like to think so."

"Did you ever forget her?"

"I'm not that much older than you, Nao.I haven't forgotten yet."

"I thought it might get easier."

"You've been in love longer than I have.You're the expert here.Bartender-san in there might know something if you ask him."

"I'll pass," he touched his own cheek, allowing his hand to slip off of it."I always wondered what it would be like…" he stopped abruptly and smiled apologetically."I'm sorry; I didn't mean to dump on you like this."

"I don't mind.You had to get it out sometime," said Ken.He moved over and put an arm around Naozumi's shoulder."What are friends for?"

Naozumi thought about this for a moment."Going and asking Bartender-san for some sake for me?"

"Wrong answer," said Ken, smiling, "I won't get you sake."

"Please?" asked Naozumi, his eyes wide."Imagine if it was the girl you loved getting married."

"I'm underage too.Furthermore, no."

Naozumi crossed his arms like a spoiled child."I'm not going to get wasted."

"I know, Nao.Trust me, though, it's the wrong way to deal with it."

"Do you ever just want something to hold onto?Do you ever want something that you can just be near and be safe with?"

Naozumi felt Ken's other arm go around him and pull him closer."This help?"

"Some…" murmured Naozumi, marveling in how warm another body felt when it was this close.He hadn't been hugged much.Swarms of younger children at the institute had hugged him, he'd hugged Sana-chan on and off, but few people ever hugged him.It was warm and felt nice.Thank you."

"Like I said," replied Ken, his voice rough, "what are friends for?"

He stayed warm and comforted for a moment and then thought of her.He always ended up thinking of her.She must be happy now.She was going to marry Hayama.He'd finally proposed. They loved each other.Naozumi should have been happy for them, and some part of him, the part that wanted Sana happy more than he wanted anything else in the world, was happy for them.The other parts of him were jealous and wishing he could just forget.He pulled away from Ken.

"Thank you," he repeated.Ken smiled.

"You'd better stop thanking me, Nao, or it'll go to my head."

"All right, I'll stop," he rose, looking up at the sky.Ken stood up next to him and swallowed.Naozumi turned to him."Are you all ri-"

Ken was kissing him.His touch was soft and he obviously didn't expect the kiss to be returned.Naozumi could see that his eyes were shut lightly.Ken slowly pulled away, any emotion that the kiss might have caused masked by a grin.

"Now you can do kissing roles," Ken's face turned serious."I'm sorry I didn't ask first, but I figured it was easier to just get it over with.Believe me; I know how much it hurts to wait around forever."

"Did she ever kiss you?"

"My first kiss," he commented, "I gave it, and I didn't get any response."

Naozumi nodded. "I don't mind.Thank you, you're a good friend."He walked off.

Ken watched him, a sadness in his eyes that didn't fit with the smile on his face."I'd be more, Nao-chan, if you would just let me."

Owari (maybe tbc).


End file.
